A geography lesson: All You Can Eat Island is a popular tourist destination located somewhere in the North Pacific. Near Canada, but technically a part of Washington state. As it's name implies, everything on the island is edible. The trees are made out of broccoli, the sand of the beaches is colored sugar, the Houses are gingerbread, and the energy drinks are carbonated water, sucrose, glucose, citric acid, natural flavors, taurine, sodium citrate, panax ginseng root extract, l-carnitine, caffeine, sorbic acid, benzoic acid, niacinamide, sodium chloride, glucuronolactone, inositol, guarana seed extract, pyridoxine hydrochloride, sucralose, riboflavin, maltodextrin, and cyanocobalamin. Everything is Delicious!
Please allow me to introduce you to the cast:
Ophelia Ragmore: BP executive. self-made. addicted to heroin. cheats on her husband with a decorative wall-hanging. has only left All You Can Eat Island twice. both times was hospitalized for eating non-food.
Myrtle Urkel: Southern Belle. rich family.
Greta Ng: she won the lottery and got out of the slum. the other housewives judge her for being "new money". she had no idea that there's even such a thing as fashion, and when she discovers she has a talent for haute couture she leaves the show to compete on Project Runway (crossover alert!)
Sister Bernadette: haters gonna hate but she's a bride of christ so it counts. and have you ever seen the vatican? that guy's fucking loaded. she is the best character on the show. All You Can Eat Island's only Cath-o-lick (get it? no, it's not my best work) church was eaten by a pack of hungry Mormon's shortly after filming.
Shriek: a homicidal maniac. teamed up with her husband and killed a bunch of people in New York a few years back. Has been hiding out on AYCE Island ever since. she gets kicked off the show for killing Yig on the first episode. reappears halfway through the season and removes another cast member's arm. who? you'll have to tune in to find out! shocking! and wait til you see the reunion episode! carnage!
Yig-Astrid Jinopolous: former child bride until the creep who married her was brought up on formal charges. she wound up with all his money but is killed by Shriek during the first episode. her ghost spends the rest of the season torturing the other cast members, who are willed her creepy house for some reason.
(Drama) Queen of the Horseshoe Crabs: this horrible little bimbette bitch bimbo crawls right outta the Iced Tea Sea and immediately starts shit with everyone on the show. her "Skinny Crab-Girl" line of healthy booze is not selling well on an Island where you can eat the sidewalk. this causes her stress which she takes out on her constituents. she stole a large sum of money from Ophelia but can't be arrested due to DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY.
So get ready for all the nonstop action thrills and comedy chills you can handle this July on Bravo! The Real Housewives of All You Can Eat Island: WHY THE FUCK NOT?
Ophelia Ragmore: BP executive. self-made. addicted to heroin. cheats on her husband with a decorative wall-hanging. has only left All You Can Eat Island twice. both times was hospitalized for eating non-food.
Myrtle Urkel: Southern Belle. rich family.
married to Eddie Winslow. hilarious guest appearances by the Winslows and Steve Urkel. drama after she accidentally drowns Laura W's children in Red Bull Lake.
Greta Ng: she won the lottery and got out of the slum. the other housewives judge her for being "new money". she had no idea that there's even such a thing as fashion, and when she discovers she has a talent for haute couture she leaves the show to compete on Project Runway (crossover alert!)
Sister Bernadette: haters gonna hate but she's a bride of christ so it counts. and have you ever seen the vatican? that guy's fucking loaded. she is the best character on the show. All You Can Eat Island's only Cath-o-lick (get it? no, it's not my best work) church was eaten by a pack of hungry Mormon's shortly after filming.
Shriek: a homicidal maniac. teamed up with her husband and killed a bunch of people in New York a few years back. Has been hiding out on AYCE Island ever since. she gets kicked off the show for killing Yig on the first episode. reappears halfway through the season and removes another cast member's arm. who? you'll have to tune in to find out! shocking! and wait til you see the reunion episode! carnage!
Yig-Astrid Jinopolous: former child bride until the creep who married her was brought up on formal charges. she wound up with all his money but is killed by Shriek during the first episode. her ghost spends the rest of the season torturing the other cast members, who are willed her creepy house for some reason.
(Drama) Queen of the Horseshoe Crabs: this horrible little bimbette bitch bimbo crawls right outta the Iced Tea Sea and immediately starts shit with everyone on the show. her "Skinny Crab-Girl" line of healthy booze is not selling well on an Island where you can eat the sidewalk. this causes her stress which she takes out on her constituents. she stole a large sum of money from Ophelia but can't be arrested due to DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY.So get ready for all the nonstop action thrills and comedy chills you can handle this July on Bravo! The Real Housewives of All You Can Eat Island: WHY THE FUCK NOT?
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