Plebeians is Right. YUCK!

So my dear friend Laura, who you may know from such stirring Lifetime movies as "Mother May I" and "Starting Over: The Laurie Metcalf Story", decided to write a scathing piece over at Squints, her online blog website, regarding my bitter hatred of Burning Man. I have decided to respond to her post because a.) I am completely correct all the time in everything I say and b.) OH NO SHE DIDN'T.

Here's something to think about: Burning Man is absolutely the worst. I would hope that the average 3B reader would see that last sentence and immediately respond with "Well OBVIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!" but apparently I think more highly of you all than you deserve. Here's some reasons why Burning Man is atrocious. If you don't agree I'm sorry but you are mentally ill.

• feathers
• sand
• nudity
• drums
• vague musings on "freedom" and (gag) "spirituality"
• transcendence
• rocks
• the pathetic yearnings of the rich and aspiring rich
• hive mind individuality
• fire
• effigies
• cars
• sex
• drugs
• the horrifying idea that anything can be art
• dancing
• fur (fake or real, it's all a damn shame)

Let me put it in a way that really drives home my point. If someone said that I either had to go to Burning Man or Gathering of the Juggalos, and keep in mind that suicide is not an option, I wouldn't need even a second to make up my mind. Hand me some face paint and some big pants and send in the fucking clowns.

Just Checking In

Heavens to Betsy it's been quite a while since I've posted. I apologize, dear readers, from the bottom of my heart. I got a new job and haven't really had the time or consistent internet access to update 3B. I know how hurt you must be but please bear with me because I've got shocking news that is as good as it is potentially insanity-inducing.

My roommate, Amy Greenhouse, got herself a new cat. His name is Dalek and while he's certainly a precious angel-baby sent from Heaven to cure us both of this crushing loneliness we call life I feel compelled to inform you that he is not as precious angel-baby-ish as Mileena. I mean, he's certainly a delight to have around but he's not exactly what I'd label "Calendar Material". I'm hoping that he's willing to learn to play the bass because Fancy Beast is still on hiatus since Puff Puff went to jail.

In other news, how was yr Halloween? Did you dress up? I fucking hope so. I have zero tolerance for people who begrudge me the opportunity to enjoy a good costume. Did you go as something sexy? If yr a woman (or woman-identified) I know there's a lot of pressure to show people various secondary sex characteristics on Halloween. I don't blame you if you caved under the pressure, but I truly hope you at least thought outside of the box (so to speak). Anything can be sexy with the right amount of effort.

No, wait, that's not true at all. I can think of several things that can't/shouldn't be sexy. I'm tempted to put them here in list form but c'mon people, I'm 27 years old. I think at this point in my social development I know better than to list various horrible things that shouldn't be sexy. Use yr own damn imagination. The internet is forever and I've got a career to think about.