Twitter Feuds: Goro

I'm in a huff and I want to be very clear that it's for all the right reasons. Before I say anything, just look at this trashbag:

I know, right! THIS is what I'm dealing with.

So I tweeted: "I wish they allowed gay people (besides Sonya) to compete in Mortal Kombat. I know I'd win."

I know a lot of people have issues with the fact that I want to force my depraved lifestyle on the world via school lunches laced with a homo-organic virus that I used government funding to make BUT I'm sure even Ann Coulter would agree that not allowing gay people, like myself, who worked long and hard (scream laugh) perfecting AWESOME fatalities involving intestines is OUTRAGEOUS! And you can fuck directly off with that "don't ask, don't tell" garbage because I'm a tell all kinda guy with very little self control, and while discrimination based on sexual orientation may be allowed in Mortal Kombat, Sindel is living dead proof that discrimination based on mental illness is certainly not okay. Having said that, you can imagine my shock and horror when I looked at my phone and saw the following message sent to me from Goro: "I agree wit malia u r 2 GAY 4 MK!!1!!"


So I took a hot bubble bath with scented candles and listened to some Magic 106.7 to try and calm down but of course that didn't work and within minutes I tub-tweeted "NICE PONYTAIL. MORE LIKE WHORE-O"

I was very proud of myself for the whore-o thing (I debated "snore-o" "bore-o" and "clogged pore-o") and set my phone down, turned Hall and Oates up, and relaxed into the warm bubbles WHEN SUDDENLY my phone beeped. Guess who it was. IT WAS FUCKING GORO.


He wrote: "Im guna kill u..2nite!"


Of course I wasn't even slightly nervous. I tweeted back "Fuck you ugly. You don't even have a fatality." I hit send and got out of the tub, assuming that the feud was over and I won. Well APPARENTLY Goro decided to take that shit to the next level. If you can believe it, that monstrosity did the unthinkable. He used that wicked rigged move from the first Mortal Kombat where he drops outta the ceiling and that motherfucker started jumping on me! I was horrified but fully prepared. I tore off my towel and used it to trip him. Well once he saw me in all my naked glory it seems that he no longer felt quite the same about gay people. One thing led to another annnd let's just say I finished him. flawless victory. in the butt.

And BY THE WAY, no I'm still not allowed to compete in Mortal Kombat! Bullshit.