Yeah. A million nightmares.

I'm in a terrible feud with lots of people/things/concepts and I thought I'd take this opportunity to explain some of the major ones. I find it offensive to rank hatred, so consider this in no particular order:

Toadette: Also known as "Little Bitch Toadette", this awful monster manages to haunt me in two different realities. In first reality she hosts the Nancy Grace show on Saturday and Sunday. It's not like she's doing anything else. I'm not sure what part of "NANCY GRACE" show she's missing because try as she might, she's just not on Nancy's level. She NEVER cuts people off mid-sentence, she has ZERO twin children, and she CANNOT predict the future. I know that there's no fucking way on earth she's friends with Nancy, so HOW exactly did she get to be the weekend host? All my theories on the matter involve soul selling or Illuminati references that I'm not going to bore you all with. In second reality, she's a rigged fungus/human hybrid that lives in the Mushroom Kingdom (it's one of those former soviet republics nobody can keep track of). I know she's basically Princess Peach's slave so I should have more sympathy for her, but SURPRISE SURPRISE I want to push her on her ass. Don't think for a second that this is the first time I've publicly threatened her, either. If you've ever played Mario Party you'll know where I'm coming from. It's rigged to make her win no matter what. You can (literally) beat EVERY minigame and still, somehow, on the last turn she'll steal 50 stars from you. This really happened. She made me waste 4 hours of my life, and guess what bitchface I WANT THEM BACK.


No Business: No Business is my brother's pet demon that disguises herself as a cat to hide from the Catholic church. She wails in the night (it's part of some demon spell) and hasn't grown since she was 4 months old. A lot of people think it makes her cute and kitten-like, but that's all part of her plan. Have I meantioned yet that she weighs 4 ounces? She is capable of passing through solid objects and has been known to drop through the ceiling and land on my head like some sort of terrible reverse version of when yr so shocked yr hat shoots off yr head, which is kinda ironic because every time it happens I'm so shocked and horrified that if I had a hat on it real life WOULD shoot off.

God: Now this is more of yr traditional rivalry, like in football or rhythmic gymnastics. It's one of those scenarios where we've been feuding for so long, neither of us can even remember WHY we started in the first place. I think it had to do with some homophobic comment she made or something, I don't know. We're more "frenemies" than anything else lately, like Blaire and Jo from the Facts of Life but with more floods and crucifictions. I may or may not have tricked her dumb friend into eating a forbidden apple at some point. UM how the fuck was I supposed to know it was forbidden? It's a fucking apple, lady CHILL OUT. And you'd think we'd be even after what she did to my first apartment in Gomorrah (drunk biitttcchhh) but fuckin NO she's gotta keep ruining my life constantly. I did murder her son, though. I guess that was kinda harsh.

Moths: That's right moths. ALL OF THEM. Before you start to defend them, let me just put this out there: They don't even have faces. SO GROSS.