Tuesday, May 7, 2013

More like ParaWHOREmal Activity

I was doing some reading on one of my favorite subjects, DEMONS, when I stumbled across an article about ZoZo. First of all DON'T SAY ITS NAME OUT LOUD!!!! That might summon it and then yr in for a world of hurt. Well, not so much a world of hurt as a series of loud noises late at night and maybe a scratch. ZoZo, who also goes by ZaZa and some other Z-themed names is the most attention starved demon out there. I'd feel bad for it if it didn't solely exist to inflict terrible pain on humanity.

Based on my research (2 Google searches) I can tell you that ZoZo shows up at 1 in every 2 Ouija Board sessions. Apparently ZoZo ain't got no damn job. Or perhaps its job is harassing Ouija Board users. Can you get paid for that? Where do I apply? Monster.com????? (Get it?)

So when ZoZo shows up trouble isn't far behind. I read a bunch of 100% factually accurate reports from teens who had accidentally come in contact with ZoZo and it seems like this demon is all about harassment. For whatever reason the teens seemed to think that every little thing was some manifestation of terrible evil. Clearly these idiots have never read CROSSED because my idea of torment is significantly different from theirs. They'd see a shadow and feel like their whole world is falling down around them. Teens. Ugh. So dramatic. This isn't to say that ZoZo is all lollipops and rainbows but WANTING to do harm is different from actually CAUSING harm.

I'm going to buy a Ouija Board today and tell ZoZo to start doing my bidding or else I'm reporting him to the Catholic Church. Demons hate hearing boring Catholic babbling almost as much as I do.

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