Fancy Beast

So wait, yr pets AREN'T in a band? Really? None of them? Oh, that's just awful. I wouldn't know what that's like, though, because in case you haven't heard my kitty is the lead singer of the greatest rock and roll band of all time: FANCY BEAST.

I can't remember if I've ever gone into detail about my cat Mileena's origins. Even if I have it's worth repeating. Basically what happened was there was this angel sent from Heaven to harass gay people or protest abortions or whatever God feels like smiting that week. Unfortunately this angel got slashed across the face with a knife by me and my All-Girl Goon Squad some nameless heretics and from the blood did Mileena rise. Sensing her star potential I immediately adopted her and welcomed her into my home.

Like any troubled teen from a single-parent household, Mileena started a band with a few of her friends. Charlene the Ferret on drums, Mr.Genderswap the Goldfish on bass, Mileena on vocals, and Mileena's good-for-nothing best friend PuffPuff the Cat on guitar.

It's not easy to describe their style of music but if I had to I guess I'd call it riot grrrwl. It won't be long before they're playing all the big venues so I suggest seeing them now. They'll be playing at T.T. the Bear's this Thursday.

ALSO: Tomorrow is Mileena's birthday!

Mileena!

Oh, and as promised, here are some pictures of my precious kitty Mileena:

All Pictures taken by Laura Williams, for the record.

Here Comes My Baby!

I think you are interested in knowing that I am now the proud roommate of a cat! I didn't name her Burqini after all because as it turns out Burqas (and therefor Burqinis by association) are involved in a lot of dramz that I want to shield my sweet angel baby miracle dream wonderful ultra magnificent heavenly dazzling cute astonishing amazing celestial messiah child from.

So instead I named her Mileena. The lady with the teeth from Mortal Kombat BUT ALSO the lady from Total Recall. I know Total Recall lady spells it "Melina" but my kitty knows how to perform a fatality so I'll be going with the Mortal Kombat version.

I'll publish photos when I'm not on the commuter rail, which has a terrible internet connection that is destroying my life/fun.

I'm Pregnant.

Mayyyyybe "pregnant" isn't the best way to describe it. I think "expecting" is a smidgen more appropriate because I'm EXPECTING a new synthetic baby to arrive in the mail at any moment. Her name is Sarah Whitney-Mulcahy and I artificially love her and her hyphenated last name so much that I'm angry about it. Oh look, here she is now:
I'm not sure how well you can read that little paragraph next to her, but yes she is modeled after the artist that made her. She is also premature so be careful around her if you have an imaginary disease.

Now that I've husked away my former worthless life and moved on to a higher plane of existence, I'm anticipating a lot of jealousy and gossip from all the baseline humans like yrselves, and of course I don't blame you, but please lets keep it reasonable people...I don't need DFCF (The Department of Fake Children and Families) all up in my damn business.