things you like are stupid (to me)

Facebook. Heavens to Betsy. I'm sure you've noticed the weird page suggestion bullshit they've been pimping. I am not 100% sure how I feel about it. On the one hand it gives me an opportunity to scream laugh at what business robots think I might like BUT ALSO it makes me judge the hell out of some people that I might otherwise like. Let us now take a gander at the things that I hate that Faceplace thinks I shouldn't:

The Clash
Seinfeld
The Bible
South Park
LA Lakers
NCIS
24
Metallica
Toy Story 3
Entourage
Eminem
Nike Basketball (what even is that? no, wait, i don't care)

I am genuinely ashamed to be friends with people who like this garbage BUT most of these "fans" are morons I went to high school with that I wouldn't be able to pick out of a crowd but awkwardly approved friend requests from because I was feeling social etiquette-ish that day so it's kind of my fault. Or at least it would be if I was capable of taking responsibility for my actions. Which I am not. And if somehow one of these high school people stumbles across 3B...um...OF COURSE I wasn't talking about you. Don't be silly. Remember Dr.Kruegar? Ha. Byyyeeee.

I can see the future and you're all going to die

Remember Wednesday, April 7, 2010? Of course you do. That was the day I discovered that I had a previously undiagnosed super power. I am a Precog. Hmmm...that's an industry term so let me break it down to a working class level so I can be sure that you understand and are willing to pay for my non-sexual services: I CAN SEE THE FUTURE.

It's a gift and a curse, as I can barely keep track of the wonderful ideas I have in the present let alone all the no longer mysterious miracles I'll be squirting out in 2031. Now I know how you are so let me stop you right there...NO I'm not going to tell you about our robot overlords or the awesome remake of Spaceballs or how Courtney Love finally gets her shit together and gets to be the Vice President (and then the President after RoboCosby is assassinated). I will however explain to you how it is I figured out that I have powers of precognition and yet am not a blind person*.

PICTURE IT: Beverly, Massachusetts. Wednesday April 7, 2010. 7:14 P.M. I'm updating Beach Bitch Bimbo regarding my recent purchase of a memo pad. What did I write on page one of my memo pad? "CALLING IT: Magma is probably going to be killed off. Nightcrawler too. That's the trick."

WELL WELL WELL. Nightcrawler is dead. I was right. I can see the future. Don't worry about Magma, I used my powers to save her...for now.

I am now accepting large sums of money to tell you trivial things about tomorrow/forever.

*+35 points for Destiny/Blindfold double reference

Here Comes My Baby!

I think you are interested in knowing that I am now the proud roommate of a cat! I didn't name her Burqini after all because as it turns out Burqas (and therefor Burqinis by association) are involved in a lot of dramz that I want to shield my sweet angel baby miracle dream wonderful ultra magnificent heavenly dazzling cute astonishing amazing celestial messiah child from.

So instead I named her Mileena. The lady with the teeth from Mortal Kombat BUT ALSO the lady from Total Recall. I know Total Recall lady spells it "Melina" but my kitty knows how to perform a fatality so I'll be going with the Mortal Kombat version.

I'll publish photos when I'm not on the commuter rail, which has a terrible internet connection that is destroying my life/fun.