Octoba Feeva (Day 17)

Can I just say that I've been so busy helping the masses figure out what they're going to be for Halloween that I've completely neglected to get my own costume together. There's still time. I can do it. BUT IF I DON'T I want you to understand that the blame falls on all of you.


As for today's suggestion, remember that movie "Seven" OH WAIT I mean "Se7en"? Why did they spell it like that? A 7 doesn't look like a V. I don't get it. Anyway, if I remember correctly, the movie is about Jesus coming back from the dead to force-feed people because he thinks they're fat and glue cell phones to disfigured models' hands. And some lady's head winds up in a box for some reason LOOK the movie sucked and the plot isn't important. WHAT IS IMPORTANT is that you and six friends (again, sorry Lonelies! I've got a thing for themes) dress up as "The Se7en Deadly Sins 2099".

Despite what the kooky Catholics would have you believe, people's concepts of what is right and wrong change over time. What was a "deadly sin" in 1995 may not be considered so bad in the distant future of the year 2099. Some things might stay the same, but others will have changed drastically. ESPECIALLY if there's a poop zombie apocalypse or Skrull infiltration. So it's time to put yr thinking caps on because now's yr chance to dress up as the sins of the future. NOTE: Please don't cheat and ask any precognitive friends you might have...that takes all the fun out of it! You know that of course I'll help get you started. Here's my prediction for the Se7en Deadly Sins of 2099:

1. Drag - We all know how...sensitive some conservative Christians are. In 2099, after the gays have taken over, Jesus people will literally LOSE THEIR SHIT. They know that if they speak out against the GLBT community they'll be exiled to "No Fun Island" (where EVERY SINGLE rule from the Bible is enforced, not just the ones they use to discriminate). Since No Fun Island (currently known as Greenland) is the worst place on the planet and only the craziest of the crazies goes to live there, the Christians decide to just cut their losses and only protest drag queens and kings. Yeah, I mean, it's annoying, but we let them do it so they feel like they have religious freedom (they don't). Many "Draggers" (as Drag Queens and Kings are known in 2099) incorporate them into their performance. This is a fun deadly sin because everybody wins!
2. Cold-Dropping - Cold dropping is refusing to drop it like it's hot, which is proven in 2032 to be the only way to communicate directly with God.
3. Racism - Thank Rush Limbaugh that this finally made it to "deadly sin" status in 2011 following his assassination attempt on Michael Steele and subsequent public execution. I don't actually recommend dressing up as "Racism" though. If it's not obvious why....um, then yeah go ahead and do it.
4. Gossip - In 2054 the (Drama!) Queen of the Horseshoe Crabs declares war on the United States. For the first six years of the war everyone thought it had to do with global warming, pollution, etc. No. It didn't. She read on Perez Hilton's website that President Greenhouse said she was "fat and tacky"and decided to declare war. Horseshoe crabs aren't much of a threat on their own, but they teamed up with No Fun Island and that made things a bit more complicated. The war was finally settled when the U.S. agreed to add Gossip to its list of deadly sins. Church and state are actually separated in 2099 though...sooo it really makes no difference at all (and she is fat and tacky).
5. Internet Speech - There's no room in the future for lol, btw, brb, and all the other stupid letter combinations that people think is okay nowadays.
6. Sloth - And by "Sloth" I mean "sloths" and by "sloths" I mean it is a deadly sin to not visit them at the zoo and pet them and hug them and give them treats.
7. Cannibalism - Why isn't this a deadly sin now? Too busy with the war on sex, Jesus people? If I have to explain this you are either a poop zombie or a werewolf (or both!!) so please don't hurt me.

That's my list. Conceptual costumes are always great because you can basically wear whatever and people will pretend that they understand it. I'm reeeeaaalllly considering going as "Cold-Dropping".