SPORTZ

I will buy a computer in the near future and update more frequently, however in the mean time yr just going to have to cope with only getting updates tri-monthly or so. I know it's hard, but thus is life.


I dyed my hair red so I can be more like feminist icon/American hero Jean Grey. It's part of my ongoing campaign to have Grey Day declared an official holiday. Speaking of official holidays, today is Patriots Day here in Massachusetts and although I'm honored to be among the patriots being celebrated I can't help but feel that my limelight is being stolen YET AGAIN by sports.

Have you heard of the Boston Marathon? It's some twenty-five mile run that people come from all over the world to participate in. There must be an awesome fucking prize because we're talking about RUNNING. You can basically run anywhere. Even if you live in a tiny room chained to a wall in a serial killer's basement chances are you can at least run in place. The foolishness of the human race never ceases to amaze me. The only time I'd even consider running is if I was being chased by a ghoul or if there was a buy one pack, get another free sale on cigarettes. In addition to this horrid little race, there's another, more sinister sporting event taking place. I'm talking about baseball, the worst of all the sports. Apparently the Red Sox (nice team name, by the way...really must strike fear in yr opponents) are "playing" tonight as well. Did you notice how I put "playing" in quotes? That's because 99% of that damn game is just standing around hoping balls get thrown towards you. It's like cruising but way more boring, and in my opinion also less safe.

So here I am, trying to enjoy Patriots Day. A day dedicated to HEROES (like ME) and instead I'm faced with thousands of trashbag sports people taking up space on the Green Line and asking me for directions to Kenmore. BIG MISTAKE, I directed them to Dudley Station instead. Good luck, family!

If I have to explain who Jean Grey is YR PART OF THE PROBLEM

Everyone take out yr monthly planners. Good. Now throw them in the garbage because yr gonna need A LOT of free time in the next couple of weeks in order to pick out an appropriate outfit for the riot I'm throwing in Boston because that shitbag city wont recognize March 28th as "Jean Grey Remembrance Day". Those worthless bureaucrats down at city hall rejected my proposal before I even had a chance to make a case for "Grey Day" (as it will be popularly known)! They were like "Sir, blahblah the x-men aren't real blahblah let go of my arm blahblahBLAHBLAH". This is unforgivable. They acted like I was the one being outlandish! Let's reflect on some of the "holidays" these assholes pimp out annually:


Flag Day: This is a joke, right? It's not! Nobody even knows what month this happens in. And also, WHO CELEBRATES THIS? Even if you wanted to, HOW could you? I feel like yr either the type of person who is into flags or yr not and I'm sorry but most people certainly ARE NOT. Some places don't even have flags, and how do you think they feel being forced to maybe notice this day printed on their calendar? I'm sure it's bad.


Columbus Day: NO FUCKING WAY. NOOOOO FUUUCCCKKIIINNGGG WAAAYYY does this awful little murderer get his own day while the fucking PHOENIX goes unrecognized. We should just rename this "USA LOVES RAPE DAY" because GUESS WHAT AMERICA to imply that he "discovered" the Americas implies that at some point they were lost. Look around you. Did Boston suddenly become Atlantis? No, of course not. ALSO celebrating Columbus Day is basically celebrating terrorism because Columbus showing up is like the Native American 9/11.


Labor Day: Women have been giving birth for LITERALLY decades. There's absolutely nothing special or extraordinary about it and an entire day spent celebrating what I'm told is the excruciating and relentless pain of women is flat out MISOGYNY.


Easter: Why would you celebrate a day that ONLY exists to further the Christian Zombie Agenda? Have you seen Dawn of the Dead (the real one OR the remake)? Zombies are bad news and I'm certainly not paying attention to a bunch of cult members that glorify drinking blood/eating flesh and things returning from the grave. This is even grosser than Columbus Day.

Do what you will with the information I've provided...as long as "what you will" means writing yr local Congressperson and explaining that Jean Grey Remembrance Day NEEDS to be an officially sanctioned state holiday or you are going to join me in a riot at Downtown Crossing.


Thank You for yr time.