Another Day in Everett

I have a long commute to work. Normally it isn't so bad. I have time to listen to music, plan my work day, and re-read World War Z for the 61st time. Today, though...well, today was different.

I live in Everett. It's, y'know, not AS bad as yr probably thinking if you know anything about Eastern Massachusetts. I mean, yeah I've had to wait in line at the convenience store for 15 minutes while some guy in dirty sweatpants bought $150 worth of scratch tickets and then started scratching them at the counter. And of course there was that one time I saw a full grown adult man hit a woman in the face because her car was blocking the crosswalk. Oh! And my downstairs neighbors got robbed in the middle of the day by a guy who used his bike as a getaway vehicle (yeah, he got arrested). But I like to think of Everett as my own personal Gotham City. How can I be a successful hero without a cesspool of crime to keep me occupied?

But then this happened.

I was on the bus because, hey kid, I'm a commuta. I didn't realize that school had started and so there were between six and seven hundred raggedy people on the bus with me. UGH. There was also so much fucking traffic that my normally 15-minute bus ride became an hour long ordeal. As terrible as this all was, I felt like I was managing my rage levels quite nicely. That is until I looked up and saw A GIANT FUCKING MOTH fluttering savagely around the bus. So obviously I fainted but the bus ride was so long that when I woke up we had barely moved six feet and that vile moth was still there. Watching. Waiting.

I thought about moving but the damn bus was so crowded that there was nowhere to go. I thought about murdering it but 1. Its friends would seek me out and exact their terrible revenge and 2. In order to kill it I'd have to get close to it which was just not going to happen.

With my options and time running out I did what any sane person would do. I told the old lady across from me that it had been crawling on her even though it hadn't. She looked up and saw the creature and smashed it with her BARE HAND. That either makes her the bravest or stupidest person I have ever encountered. I feel a little bad knowing that as I type this the deceased moth's brethren are no doubt plotting this woman's demise but she was really old and probably lived a good life...so there's that.

Norway is People Too (the "god hates" edition)

Tomorrow is Independence Day in Norway and even though I have no discernible connection to Norway beyond my milky white complexion, I thought I would help the Norwegian friends that I hope to one day make and borrow money from by enlightening the world to some of the contributions Norway has made. Unlike their bullshit counterpart Sweden, Norway has made the world a better place by having a city in Maine named after it. Also cities in Illinois, South Carolina, New York, a few other states and even some places in Canada. As amazing as that is, its name isn't Norway's ONLY major export. It also has fish and probably some kinds of important minerals that other countries may or may not be interested in. I bet Norway has art and music that some people know and care about as well.

Although Norway's exports are well respected by the global community (except for Ireland) the true majesty of Norway would really have to be its dedication to improving the lives of its citizens. Barely anybody starves in Norway unless it's by choice. Also, most people don't have to worry about being dropped off at some hellhole clinic because they can't afford to treat the disease they got because their government decided that abstinence only education was more useful than the twenty seconds it takes to explain how a condom works. That's pretty good. I'm sure that there's a lot more interesting things about Norway but I'm not gonna spoil it by just telling you. Go read a book about Norway. I'm absolutely sure one exists. Or just go here. Whatever ya want.