Toadette Found in Everett

Listen up people I've got some BREAKING NEWS: Toadette has been rescued!

Here's what happened. Matthew and I were on the porch smoking cigarettes. As we started back into my apartment I thought I heard a thumping noise followed by the muffled sound of "Help!" coming from the apartment below mine. The neighbors had moved out a few weeks ago and to the best of my knowledge nobody new had taken their place yet. Matthew and I cautiously entered the apartment, following the noise we had heard.

We followed the sound to a closet and what did we find inside...

Toadette Discovered

That's right, WE FOUND TOADETTE!

She was being held in a small cage-like thing, guarded by a Boo. Matthew was reunited with his friend but the story wasn't yet over...

Reunited at Last

When the culprit returned to the apartment, they must have seen the FBI outside because they fled. Later that day, while working with a search party to comb over the Everett area in search of the villain, Matthew and I entered Woodlawn cemetery on a hunch. That was were we found PuffPuff who, as it turns out, was NOT at a New England Tractor Trailer Training School orientation. That little bimbette was hiding out. Toadette positively identified her as the one who'd kidnapped her. She was promptly arrested and is being held at whatever lady-jail criminals from Everett wind up at (Cambridge maybe?)

CASE CLOSED!

ALSO

Did y'all catch me on Nancy Grace last night talking about Toadette's disappearance?

Toadette is Still Missing

I've been working tirelessly to find Toadette which should earn me a fucking medal because I'd throw a blue shell right at her if I had half a chance. BUT I'm a hero first and a hatemonger second so I'm learning to put my biases aside for the sake of saving the day.

I've been illegally detaining suspects in my secret lair in order to interrogate and intimidate any possible culprits. Since the villain's identity is obscured beyond all hope via that nefarious mask he or she is wearing the only real lead I've got to go on are the initials "P.P." written on the ransom note.

My prime suspects currently include:

Princess Peach
The Lost Skeleton of Pablo Picasso
Pete and Pete
Parker Posey
Oops PooPs
Pepper Potts
Peter Pan
the People of Providence, RI
Penny Pingleton
Peter Parker
Paul Povich (Maury Povich's son that I just made up)

It has been implied that perhaps PuffPuff was involved but Mileena has assured me that the reason she hasn't been around lately is because she's at an orientation for The New England Tractor Trailer Training School (NETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTS), so it seems highly unlikely that she'd be the culprit.

Oh, and since I'm being honest you might wanna throw "Richard Mulcahy" onto that list since my long and well-documented history of threatened and actual violence against Toadette, as well as my continued involvement in investigating her disappearance does seem to implicate me at least a little.

True Crime!

As you all know, I fucking HATE that little bitch Toadette. HOWEVER she is one of my bf's best friends so I tolerate her presence for the most part. Usually we just don't hang out at the same time and that's that.

Today that all changes. I came home from work last night and found the following flyer shoved under my door. "Don't call the cops" was written on the back in blood. Click on the picture for the full version.

As you can imagine, this is a trying time for all of us. I'll keep you updated as details emerge.

see ya there