the ocean is trying to kill you

It's 90 degrees today and if I wasn't already occupied I could be a real-life Beach Bitch Bimbo splashing and laughing in the Atlantic Ocean.

No, just kidding.

I can't actually participate in activities that bring me in direct contact with the water of the Atlantic or any other ocean because they are filled with all manner of squid and shark and urchin that can't wait to destroy me every second. Lakes and ponds are okay because the only dangerous thing I can think of in a lake or pond in New England is snapping turtles and they don't seem so bad. Pools are nice too, whether above or below ground, inflatable or not.

It really is a shame because waves are nice, the ocean smells great at least half of the time, I'm a Pisces, and salt water is good for yr skin but I'm not into high risk behaviors...not ones that may result in me being eaten alive anyway. Don't get it twisted, I DO go to the beach and have a perfectly good time hunting crabs and getting my ankles wet, but every time I see some MOW-RAWN out swimming in water up to and beyond 4 feet of depth all I can think of is "What a stupid stupid person." because maybe that individual has a family or an important job and they are about to be swallowed whole or otherwise terrified by a sea creature. On at least one occasion I have called 911 because the only reason I can think of why someone would risk a shark attack is because they are suicidal and what they really need is psychiatric medication and a good behavioral therapist.

I find it incredibly sad that nice animals are going extinct every day while sea monsters are ruining my life.

Norway is People Too (the "god hates" edition)

Tomorrow is Independence Day in Norway and even though I have no discernible connection to Norway beyond my milky white complexion, I thought I would help the Norwegian friends that I hope to one day make and borrow money from by enlightening the world to some of the contributions Norway has made. Unlike their bullshit counterpart Sweden, Norway has made the world a better place by having a city in Maine named after it. Also cities in Illinois, South Carolina, New York, a few other states and even some places in Canada. As amazing as that is, its name isn't Norway's ONLY major export. It also has fish and probably some kinds of important minerals that other countries may or may not be interested in. I bet Norway has art and music that some people know and care about as well.

Although Norway's exports are well respected by the global community (except for Ireland) the true majesty of Norway would really have to be its dedication to improving the lives of its citizens. Barely anybody starves in Norway unless it's by choice. Also, most people don't have to worry about being dropped off at some hellhole clinic because they can't afford to treat the disease they got because their government decided that abstinence only education was more useful than the twenty seconds it takes to explain how a condom works. That's pretty good. I'm sure that there's a lot more interesting things about Norway but I'm not gonna spoil it by just telling you. Go read a book about Norway. I'm absolutely sure one exists. Or just go here. Whatever ya want.