SnugWow

I know it probably violates several copyright laws but I have an idea for a product that will revolutionize the "As Seen on TV" world if big business can put their personal shit aside and work together for the benefit of the consumer for once.

First, some need to know information:

If you've ever so much as walked by a television I'm sure yr familiar with the Snuggie. It's a blanket with sleeves. I know what yr thinking, "Isn't that just a backwards bathrobe?" The answer is yes, but first of all, what's wrong with bathrobes? and second it's WAY warmer than a bathrobe and I would think it's probably larger than most bathrobes as well.

But the Snuggie isn't the ONLY shit out there on the market. I will literally come to yr house on yr birthday and punch you in the mouth if you've never heard of ShamWow. The ShamWow is an ultra-absorbent fabric created by German alchemists (you know those German alchemists make great stuff) that knows no equal. If you accidentally spill soda or sulfuric acid on yr priceless antique carpet all you have to do is think about the ShamWow and the liquid completely disappears. The ShamWow is unique to the multiverse because unlike you and I and Magneto, who have infinite alternate reality counterparts, there is but ONE reality where ShamWows exist. Since we're lucky enough to actually live in said reality, it is basically a crime to not own AT LEAST one ShamWow.

Okay so we've got the Snuggie, which is great...and we've got the ShamWow, which is the closest to real magic as you'll ever experience in yr mundane little life, so WHAT NOW? Oh, I know, WHAT IF WE FUCKING COMBINE THEM? I'm talking the most EXXXTREME product of all time. I'm talking about SnugWow.

The SnugWow is a warm and luxurious Snuggie on the inside, complete with sleeves and optional glove attachments (for an additional $9.99) and on the outside it's a ShamWow. So if yr relaxing in yr Snug down by the fire, reading a book or whatever and you happen to spill yr wine on yr husband, you'll be able to use the SnugWow to instantly absorb the wine out of his lucky white pants, leaving behind no stain and no divorce.

But the SnugWow is more than just a convenience...it could even save yr life. Picture this: Yr heat gets shut off because yr irresponsible and don't pay yr damn bills on time. It's so cold yr internal organs are freezing. You have a baby, maybe three babies, and their internal organs are also freezing. It gets so fucking cold a pipe freezes and bursts. The room begins filling with ice water. You want to save yr children but yr TRAPPED under a pile of conventional blankets. Under normal circumstances you would die. Yr children would die. But then you remember that dying sucks and is completely unnecessary because OF COURSE YOU OWN A SNUGWOW! Quickly, you throw yr trash blankets on the floor, break the emergency glass and put on yr SnugWow. It's large enough for you AND yr three children (extra sleeves sold seperately) to fit in comfortably. Yr internal organs warmed in seconds, yr able to get to work using the SnugWow ultra-absorbent exterior to absorb all the water in the room, saving not only yrself...but also yr loved ones. That day you learned that there's no such thing as miracles but THAT'S OKAY because when you own a SnugWow yr never truly in danger.